lilrongal: (rainbow)
( Saturday, 12 June 2010 01:42 am)

Aidan

Aidan’s finally here!!!

Thank goodness. It seemed to take forever for June 8 to get here! Even he said, when he got off the plane “I can finally see you!” I really hate living so far away from him. I know it’s not even that far, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. :(

I am trying to figure out how to readjust my schedule to keep fitting yoga and writing in, plus taking care of him, and getting enough rest. Not to mention staying on top of eating reasonably well. It’s been a challenge this week because Adam’s brother and sister-in-law are visiting, and we’ve been spending time with them. I kinda put all that life stuff on hold because how often do I get to see Eli & Melissa, you know? So I’ve been eating not as well as normal, and I haven’t been to yoga since last Thursday. Let’s not even talk about writing, shall we?

I need to just QUIT those games on Facebook. Or at least limit myself to a few. It’s out of hand again, how much time I spend playing. I know it’s an avoidance technique. If I’m playing, I don’t have to think about the “sagging middle” in my WIP. And maybe, just maybe a breakthrough will happen while I am virtually farming!

Right, even I don’t believe that anymore.

Anyway, even though I haven’t been doing yoga and writing, I have been doing other cool things. Tuesday, I got Aidan from the airport, and I learned that if someone is mean to a member of my family, the claws come out! No one was mean to Aidan, but someone was to Adam and I reacted in a way that I never expected. It was weird and a little bit unsettling. But nice to know that I won’t take any crap from people when it comes to members of my family.

Wednesday, Eli & Melissa arrived and we had dinner with them. Thursday, we went to the Art Institute of Chicago. I’d never been to an art museum ever. Well, the National Vietnam Vets Museum may count, but that’s such a specialized part of art that I can only think of it as the NVVM. AIC was completely different and amazing and overwhelming. You know how you see prints of paintings? Most of them never did much for me. We have a bunch of them in the apartment and to me, they’re just pretty or neat pictures hanging around. But seeing a painting in real life is so much better! There was some Van Gogh and a lot of Monet, but the one that blew me away was Saint Francis by Peter Paul Rubens. The way he painted it… the flesh tones looked so real and lifelike and vibrant, like Saint Francis was going to just walk off the panel and come stand next to me. In addition to that, the Thorne Miniature Rooms were incredible, as was all the South Asian art, which I didn’t feel I got to spend nearly enough time looking at. We even checked out the Matisse exhibit, and got to see some pretty famous paintings, like American Gothic. I can’t wait to go back to the Art Institute of Chicago. There is so much I am eager to explore there. The cool thing is that we can take out museum passes from the library (that are good for a week!), and the museum is open free Thursday nights. I get the feeling I’ll be there a lot.

Lion

Aidan LOVED the museum. As he’s very artistic, Adam and I thought he’d get a lot out of it–well, as much as a seven-year-old can get, I suppose. He loved seeing the Van Gogh, and he was totally fascinated by the Picture of Dorian Gray, but he really enjoyed giggling at all the naked baby Jesus paintings and sculptures. He did love the Thorne Miniature Rooms, though.

After that fun, we ate some lunch and then headed over to Millennium Park. Aidan enjoyed playing at Cloud Gate, as usual:

Aidan and Cloud Gate

On Monday, before Aidan got here, I hung out with Shannon, a former co-worker, and her family. They took me to the top of Sears Willis Tower, and I went out on the glass ledge. Oh yes. Check me out:

Me on the Glass Ledge

High In The Sky

In between all this, I am reading a book called THE BLUE GIRL by Charles de Lint, and I adore the main character. She’s just such a cool girl. This is the first Charles de Lint book I’ve ever read, but apparently, he’s written a lot set in the particular world of this book. I love when authors do that. When they have a world they work in for all of their books. Cause when you read the new ones, you see old characters and friends. Sarah Dessen does it, and so does Deb Caletti, and even Adam does. I tend to write in the same worlds too, or I try to, anyway.

Anyway, it’s already almost 2am. I don’t have to be up very early tomorrow (but someone little with curly hair might wake me up early. If not him, then the neighbor’s hot water heater [which bangs every time he takes a shower and happens to be located right above our bed--another thing the landlord won't fix] will). We’re hitting Navy Pier, which should be fun on a Saturday in June. :O All I know is this: I AM GETTING A CHURRO. Oh yes.

So, with that, I am off. ‘Til next time!

I love summer!

(Originally posted at Anywhere Is...)
lilrongal: (pencils)
( Tuesday, 5 January 2010 01:10 am)

Don’t even ask about the title. I’m going on about 5.5 hours of sleep here, and I’m barely sleepy now. Insomnia anyone?

I didn’t get to bed/sleep until about 730 or 8am. Then I slept until about noonish, and I took a 20 minute nap at about 9pm, which I think was a mistake. Not good. I’m going to go to bed anyway and try to read myself to sleep, but if I am not asleep by 230 or 3, I will give up and head back out into the living room.

I have a list of things I need to do this week.

1. Take down Christmas stuff. *sniffle* It’s getting to the point where I am getting tired of it, so it’s time to go to ordinary time for real. Blah. I’ll probably do that tomorrow/today.
2. Hunt down the mildewy smell and GET RID OF IT. Seriously, I cleaned out the fridge, Adam took out the trash twice, and I located the source of the bad potatoes. All of that is gone. I cleaned out the litter boxes. Nothing should be smelling bad. But something is still driving me crazy in here. Same scent as last night, and I think it’s the standing water that collects in the drain where the hot water heater is. Should the landlord have fixed this when we reported it a year ago? Why yes. Is it against city code for standing water to collect in a residence? Oh yes. Do you think the landlord gives a flying ice cream? If so, you’d be wrong. So, every week or so (more often now for some reason), Adam has to open the closet and pour water down this drain to get out the old stinky water that blows through the vents when the heater is on. He just did it Sunday, but he’s going to have to do it again sooner than later because the scent of standing water is nasty. This is only one of the things that have been reported and never fixed, and only one of the things that’s against code. TMG Management can suck it.
3. Clean the living room. Once I put away the Christmas stuff, I have to make it look like normal again.
4. Take a bath. I haven’t had a nice, long hot bath in weeks. It’s been showers and showers and showers. And the last bath before that sucked because the drain wasn’t properly secured so most of the water ran out, and by the time I realized it, there was no more hot water. It was a quick lukewarm bath and you know how much those suck. So I’m ready for a nice, hot steaming bath. And some tea. So that will be my reward for taking down the Christmas stuff. :)
5. Revamp my FarmVille farm. That’ll probably happen this weekend.

I think it’s time to scrap the story I have been working on. I am stuck and have been stuck on the same part for two years now. If you’re stuck after two years, it’s time to shelve and move on. The fact that I dread trying to write this book is a sign that it’s not the one I should be working on. I may use what I have for parts, or rework it, but for now, it’s done. There is no point in working on a book for free when I’m getting no joy out of it and when nothing of it is coming. The characters are still there, they just need to be used differently. HOW, I don’t know. But whatever.

This has been kind of a whiny post, so here is something yummy. My kitty, Helena, has gotten really cuddly lately. It started shortly after we switched the cats’ food from Meow Mix to Iams. Both cats are super soft now, and Little Lena’s been so much more affectionate. She hops up and sleeps on my feet just about every chance she gets. When she’s in our room at night, she doesn’t really jump on our feet anymore. She lies there and sleeps. Adam and I have taken to picking her up and putting her on my lap, because she rarely gets up on her own. Not sure if she’s waiting for an invite or what. She’s not exactly a lap cat yet, not unless I have a blanket on my lap, but once she’s on my lap, she’ll move down and lay her head on my ankle. Such a long cry from the little wild thing she was when we first brought her home!

Here’s a picture of me from New Year’s Eve:

Dressed Up for New Year's!

My mom got me the dress for Christmas. I need to get in shape and I don’t really care.

Blah ditty blah blah blah.

I feel like Eeyore.

That’s all for now.

(Originally published at Anywhere Is...)

This will be my first full weekend in over a month. I’m so glad I like the work and the people I work with, because otherwise, working six days a week would be awful. As it is, I feel weird not going in tomorrow. If I hadn’t already turned in my time sheet for the week, I probably would reconsider and pop in for a few hours! I care that much about the work and I like the job that much. But I am tired and was encouraged by team members to take a break because I really shouldn’t work six days a week for ten weeks in a row. Plus, I got sick twice the past couple of weeks, and even though the colds were fairly minor, last Saturday, I was miserable! I came home, took medicine, fell into bed and stayed there until Sunday evening! Still, I remember last year this time, I was starting that horrific three-month sore throat. I am SO GLAD I’m not dealing with that this year!

I started to get melancholy this week, because my assignment is slated to end on November 26th. I’ve never been SAD about leaving a job before, but with this one, I really will grieve! I love the work, the culture, the commute, everything, even the six day weeks and sometimes ten hour work days. Today, some people dressed up for the holiday, and people were passing out candy, and the company bought pizza and salad and beverages for all of us to enjoy for lunch.

I leave work at the end of the day with a spring in my step, because I just spent all day working my butt off and loving every minute of it. And the thought of going back to combing the job boards, sending out a billion resumes to get maybe one or two bites, then going on interviews and doing hours of interview homework frankly depresses me. It seriously makes me want to cry.

I believe that if you put the energy out there, then something can happen with it. So this is what I’m going to put out there. I want to work full time at Schawk. I want to be a permanent employee. Everyday I go in and hope that they see something in me that makes them say “You know, this girl is good. Her attitude is awesome, and we can really tell that she cares about and likes the work. We’re going to offer her a position here because we know she’ll bring value to our team and our company.”

We’ll see what happens. I know the economy, and the reality though, and I’m going to try not to cry too much that day. In the meantime, I’m trying to enjoy the time I do have there for sure. It’s the best job I’ve ever had in my life. And I mean that 100%.

Today is Halloween, and I didn’t dress up. I did wear a tee-shirt to commemorate the occasion, though.

Me on Halloween

I got a lot of compliments on my headband. :)

Adam did dress up, though. Here he is with Hector before their crazy night of Weird Chicago tours.

Halloween 2008

Helena has been a very good girl and hasn’t peed on the bed in a long time. I’m proud of her. She’s gotten used to me being gone, and I give her a little extra attention in the mornings before I leave for work which she seems to like. Some of my best evenings are when she and Crookshanks curl up beside me while I play on Flickr or something.

Honestly, though, I’m only missing one thing from my life and that’s Aidan’s hugs and kisses. It’s so hard not hearing his little voice every day and having him clinging to me and touching my cheek. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him and wonder how he’s doing. The other day I was talking to him, and he said “Mommy, I was looking at the picture of you and me and Daddy and I started cwying.” I asked him why, and he said because he missed me. That’s a big void, and even though I don’t regret moving to Chicago and being with Adam, I miss my son terribly and I want need to see him soon.

Other than that, I’m really happy. And I’ve been happy for a long time now. I like working. I like coming home to Adam at the end of the day. Some nights he makes the most delicious dinners. Wednesday night, I told him I wanted something light, and he made tomato basil soup with chicken. It was perfect and amazing. Tonight, he made beef and noodles. The beef had been simmering all day in the Crock-Pot. And one day last week, he made the most delicious homemade beef stew. I have to watch so I won’t gain a ton of weight–my pants are all fitting snugly! It’s time for me to really put the Wii Fit to use.

Yes, that was a major splurge I made a couple of weeks ago! I went to Best Buy in search of a new external hard drive because my original one is almost full. Well, I found a 1T hard drive for a good price, and ventured over to the video game section. I was shaking me head at the Wii Fit towel. I mean, really? $8 for a towel because it says Wii Fit on it? And I was thinking “well, that’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to a Wii Fit….” then I walked out of that aisle and over to a center pallet that was stacked with Wiis and Wii Fits! I debated for about 30 seconds on getting it, then decided to go for it, and I am so glad. Working out with that thing is SO fun. I love the step aerobics and the yoga. Before I know it, I’ve clocked 35 minutes of exercise and for something like me who does NOT care for exercise, that is a big deal. Wii Fit = PURE WIN.

I’m trying to think of what else I’ve been up to besides working, resting, reading, and playing Wii Fit, and I can’t come up with a whole lot. I did finally get to read the latest Leven Thumps novel. I devoured the thing in a day and a half and was very sad when it was over. I have to wait probably at least a year for the next one!

Another writer friend of mine finally got a book contract, and I’m very happy for her. Out of that little group, I’m the only one who still hasn’t been published, and right now, I’m OK with that. I’m not even sure I want to pursue a writing career so much anymore. I’m getting so much joy out of the agency proofreading work, I wonder if I shouldn’t focus on that career path? We’ll see where my heart takes me. I still have the soul of a writer, and I’m always thinking of characters and making up people and scenarios in my head, so maybe it’ll come back one day. At this point, I’m at peace with where I am now, career-wise. Who knows what will happen?

A few days ago. Rosa asked me to post 7 things about myself that most people don’t know. This is going to be a challenge, as I am pretty open on my blog. But let’s see.

1. I have a terrible singing voice. I mean, it’s awful. But that doesn’t stop me from singing along with the stereo when I am home alone.

2. About twelve years ago, the house I lived in for most of my growing years was foreclosed on. I didn’t get a lot of stuff out of it, and some of that stuff includes rare 12-in. album singles with remixes of songs like Killing Me Softly by Al B. Sure and Lucky Charm by The Boys. I really, really wish I had a way to get digital copies of those songs–but the 12-in. singles were rare enough when I bought them. I’m sure it’s impossible to get them now.

3. Even though I do not like winter or the cold, I love cold-weather accessories. I have tons of scarves and hats and gloves and mittens. I like to change them up depending on my mood, and I just love the new cute ones that come out every year. Monday, when I was at Aeropostale to get a few sweaters for the upcoming winter, I started considering a new winter coat. Adam, with an exasperated look, told me that I have QUITE enough coats, thank you very much. OK, he didn’t say all that, but he did point out that I have four winter coats and I probably really don’t need a new one. But we’ll see how my coats hold up against Chicago winters. I might need to take a trip to Eddie Bauer soon. Macy’s has beautiful wool pea coats, but I really don’t want to spend $500 on a coat that may or may not keep me warm when the single digit temperatures hit.

4. I wish I had a best girlfriend. But then I wonder if I really want the time and commitment that comes with having a best girlfriend. Jen and I are pretty close–we’ve known each other since the early 1990s–but I don’t have that *best friend* who is local and who I see all the time, who I can yap on the phone with for hours and then turn around and email/IM her as soon as I hang up. It’s been so long that I’m not even sure I KNOW how to have a best friend anymore, not like I did when I was in grade school. I remember Charla and I used to get on the phone and yak yak yak for hours (13 of them once). Now, it just seems strange to call someone other than my mommy just to talk, even though when someone does catch me at a good time, it’s always great to hear from that person, and I enjoy catching up and chatting. I think every girl needs a best friend, but I guess I’m scared and not so sure how to go about it.

5. I’m generally not a phone person. I will email you long, long letters, I’ll write you letters, I’ll text you, but I’m not huge on the phone. Again, I like when people call me, but it’s hard for me to take the initiative to make the call to anyone unless I really feel driven to action. I even had a hard time calling Adam, the man I was dating, then engaged to, because I always worried about bugging him. But if someone calls me, I’m terrible about letting him or her off the phone, and we can talk for hours and hours easily. Ask anyone about my marathon phone calls with my mom. Last time it was five hours.

6. I enjoy good, long, late night conversations. I love talking to friends about anything and everything in the middle of the night, when the inhibitions are down just a bit, and we’re comfortable sharing everything.

7. I really really want to take Aidan to Disney World within the next year. Just a mommy-son trip. I know it’s probably crazy and ambitious to do a single-parent trip of that magnitude, but we both LOVE Disney World and I think the time together would be amazing. I just wish something would happen to make that a possibility very soon, before he outgrows Disney World… and hanging out with his parents. For the record, I also want to take a huge trip to Disney World with Adam, Aidan, Chris, Matt, my mom, and Adam’s mom.

Because traveling for Thanksgiving will be a logistical nightmare for me this year, Adam and I are staying in town and having Thanksgiving here. We’re going to make a turkey and stuffing, and I’ll make a bit of dressing (hopefully not as dry as I made it for Christmas–eep). I’m also making my famous macaroni & cheese and we’re having gobs and gobs and gobs of mashed potatoes. Probably some corn and/or green beans too. And a Jell-O cake for dessert! Local friends who have no other plans are DEFINITELY welcome to join us. Just RSVP to me or Adam and let us know so we can have enough food to go around.

Tomorrow is November, which means I need to start thinking about Christmas. Once Halloween is over, I feel OK thinking about it, making plans, etc. So far, I plan to fly to Columbus on Christmas to surprise my little Aidan. How much fun will that be? :) That’s all I have so far. Has anyone else started thinking about the December holidays?

I think I got everything out that’s been building up in me the past few days and/or weeks. If you read all this, thank you. ♥ I leave you with a picture of my street in Chicago. I took it as I was walking home from work one evening.

Down the Block

‘Til next time!

(Originally published at Anywhere Is…)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...(Originally posted at http://anywhere-is.net. Comment here or there.)

Thursday will be my monthsary of living in Chicago.

Read the rest of this entry  )

(Originally posted at Anywhere Is...)

lilrongal: (Default)
( Friday, 28 December 2007 09:36 pm)

So….

I have this new laptop, so I really have no excuse not to write.

I have a framework that I pounded out with an agent, (at HER INSISTENCE!) so I have no excuse not to write.

I have an entire evening free, and most of tomorrow, and tomorrow evening free. I have no excuse not to write.

Why is it so hard for me to get started?

* * * * *

The other day, I was remembering how much fun I had when I was writing Only Yours. I spent EVERY free moment writing, and when I wasn’t writing, I was thinking about writing. Or talking about my characters as though they were real people. It gave me so much joy to work on that project.

Now, it’s like a weight. A constant dialogue in my head.
“You SHOULD be writing. You’re going to let people down if you don’t write. Oh great, you just wrote more CRAP. What is your problem? See these other authors? See your friends? See how they pound out great stuff? See how he got another book deal? See how she hit NYT? See how she finally got that offer? Oh look, that one went to auction. Why can’t YOU do that???”

When I am at work, all I do is sit there thinking “I can’t WAIT to get home and write.”

I get home and make excuses.

“The neighbor’s TV/stereo/sex-sounding workout is too loud.”
“I have to see what’s on email, Facebook, LiveJournal first.”
“Let me play a quick game or five of Anagrams.”
“Oh, I should see if Adam’s online.”

Well, Adam’s at work now. The neighbors are finally quiet. I’ve checked email/Facebook/Livejournal. I’ve already played Anagrams. So now what’s my problem?

* * * * *

The ideas are in my head. I can’t seem to get them out. Something is blocking me.

* * * * *

Fear

* * * * *

I’m afraid of failing.
I’m afraid of writing another 20K words and then realizing this doesn’t work either.
I’m afraid of finishing a book and having a crit partner tell me NO NO NO.
I’m afraid of finishing it, and having my agent reject it.
I’m afraid I don’t have another good book in me.
I’m afraid I won’t feel the magic I felt when I was writing Only Yours.
I’m afraid that I’m completely done.

I’m afraid that reading and editing all day mentally exhausts me, which is why when I DO buckle down, I do best on Sunday afternoons.

I’m afraid of getting started.

I’m afraid of enjoying it.
I’m afraid of succeeding.

I’m afraid of writing.

* * * * *

What if I have no more stories to tell?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...(Originally posted at Anywhere Is...)
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