This past week was sooo awesome. I can’t pinpoint any one thing that made it so good. Just many, many lovely moments that added up to an incredible and fabulous time.

Things like noticing my hair is now armpit length.
For someone whose hair wouldn’t go past the nape of her neck for many years,
this is a big deal.

Spending the week with my dear friend s00j (aka SJ Tucker, aka Pure Awesomeness on a Stick).

BRUNCHING HARD. One amazing culinary experience after the other. I had a donut that was so good that I wanted to dance and speak in tongues. I got it at Bleeding Heart. (I’ve talked about this place before). The donut was called Punk Rock Princess. It was a donut with lemon and hibiscus filling and strawberry glaze.

So many people have come in and out of my life over the years. Some of them have a light so bright, and they have energy so clear and good, that they energize you when they’re around. That’s how s00j and Ryan are. And the four of us together? Watch out now!

Adam, Ryan, me, s00j

· Actually enjoying the first very snowy and cold snap of this winter.

· Spending two days in a row with Jen!

· Losing count of the number of hugs I got and gave.

· Meeting Ryan and feeling like I’ve reunited with a dear old friend.

· Discovering a new TV show. Dear Downton Abbey, why did I wait so long to start watching you? And why are you so brilliant?

· Laughing so hard I was CRYING at some points. Oh, YouTube. Why must you be filled with the awesomeness that is Dr. Tran?

· Finding (and buying) some really yummy new incense.

· Getting my copy of LOLA AND THE BOY NEXT DOOR.

· Kick ass yoga class with Amber Cook.

I confess.
I was nervous for 2012 to start.
VERY nervous.
Now that it’s here, it’s been amazing,
and I am so excited for what’s next!

Life is so very good.

Linking up with:

…a simple act of gratitude.

Write a list using the alphabet and then list one item that you are grateful for that starts with the given letter. Don’t forget to link up at Finding Joy when you’re done.

Here’s mine.

A – Aidan and Adam. Need I say more?

B – Books. Because reading is AWESOME. Beaches, because they smell like sand and sun and sunscreen. Babies, because they are a nice way to start people. Bananas. They’re funny.

c – Cats, even when they are bratty, or stinky, or naughty. Cupcakes from Molly’s Cupcakes. Chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmm. Christmas. My favorite holiday.

D – Disney World! And for being blessed enough to visit six times so far!

E – Email. It’s my choice way of keeping in touch with people!

F – Family. ‘Cause I love them. Friends, too.

G – Green, for the color of grass and leaves in the summertime.

H – Hugs. They never fail to make me feel yummy inside.

I – Internet. I’ve made so many friends and learned so much thanks to the Internet being around. It’s integral in my life. Also, I am grateful for incense. It makes the place smell so good and it makes me *feel* good.

J – Juice. Especially 100% cherry juice. Delicious.

K – Kirtan. Beautiful call and response chanting. It’s non-denominational, and the music of my soul.

L – Libraries. A free way to feed my reading addiction.

M – Money. It helps me get the things I need and sometimes even extra things I just want. Also, Moksha Yoga. The community there is the best. I’m honored to be a part of it.

N – Nice people. They make the world so much better.

O – Opportunity. To work from home, to make friends from all over the world, to live in a cool city (even when it does get on my nerves/cost too much), to do yoga, to meet my favorite authors, to meet celebrities, to eat good food, to have a warm home, to wear skinny jeans, to improve my life every day, to be creative. To love. To live.

P – Pandernoodle. My favorite teddy bear ever.

Q – My favorite letter to sneak and push on people’s keyboards while they are frantically typing. Qs just make everything quirky.

R – Ronica. My name.

S – Sushi. It’s delicious and good for me. Sun, because it’s beautiful and warm. Skinny jeans, which I vowed I’d never wear. Until I started wearing them and loving them with boots.

T – Trees. I am a real life tree hugger. I don’t hug trees in the city because dogs pee and poop on them. But let me loose in an arboretum? Good times.

U – Unconditional love. There is a lot of it in my life.

V – Vacations. Especially to Disney World.

W – Water. I love water. I love to drink it, I love to shower in it. I can’t swim in it, though, and I don’t like it when it’s falling the sky in the form of any sort of rain. But I do like water because it’s what keeps me alive. And it tastes so good! No calories or fat! Perfect.

X – XP points in those stupid games I play on Facebook. I should quit all of them. Maybe I will one day.

Y – Yoga. It has changed my life. For real.

Z – Zoos that have giraffes.

♥ I’m home with Aidan, Adam, and the cats, and we’re all simply relaxing and being together.
♥ Helena is lying on my legs and purring and purring.
♥ I’m at Disney World.
♥ I have a huge pile of books I can’t wait to read, and not being able to decide which one to start with first.
♥ I’m laughing my head off over the most ridiculous stuff.
♥ Aidan is cracking up at something on YouTube or something I said.
♥ It’s Saturday morning and I don’t have to get up early.
♥ It’s payday and rent’s not due.
♥ I’m getting a hug.
♥ I discover a song that gives me chills from the inside out because it’s so good. (Last song that did that for me was Run by Air.)
♥ I look through my Flickr photostream and remember how blessed and lucky I am to have all those memories, and the opportunities to make more.

Since most of the snow is gone, I no longer hyperventilate when I go outside. Friday, I wore pink to work, and I wore my hair in two braids. I’m starting to feel closer to myself, and I know that as the days keep getting longer and the Equinox approaches, I’ll only get better. Just… please Baby Jesus, don’t let us have another blizzard. Or any more days when the temperature drops below 25F. I’ll be able to (sorta) tolerate the rest of the winter if those two things are in place.

121 days until the Summer Solstice!

I try to make it a point to stay positive. I went through a pretty bad few years where it seemed like one bad thing after another was happening to me. I kept a lot of it under wraps–only the closest people to me knew the details. It was hard to pull through, and I had to work SO HARD to try to stay positive, and I usually failed at it.

The other night, my anywhere-is site did a wonky thing and wouldn’t let me into the admin panel. I was able to access my sites, so I wasn’t too upset. I just moved everything to the main directory, which I’d been meaning to do for a while anyway. I was going through some old journal entries, and WOW. Just wow. I ended up deleting quite a few of them (from anywhere-is; they’re still on Live Journal) because they reminded me of those bad times, and many other bad times. It was like I was two people. There was the happy Ronni presented to the world, the f-locked entries that expressed rage, sadness, deep depression, and the private entries that were just…. very sad. I knew that if I read them or dwelled on them, I’d get sucked into that emotional mindset. I don’t want that.

I’m not a huge believer in The Secret, but I do think that if you put out good energy, you’ll generally get good energy back. And that if you put out bad energy, you’ll get bad energy back. Not to say that everything bad that happens is anyone’s fault. I just remembered how I worried and worried and worried, and the stuff I worried about was the stuff that kept happening over and over and over with extra random bad stuff tossed in. Almost like I imagined it into existence. So, now I work on imagining GOOD things into existence.

It’s not easy. It’s not in my nature to be as upbeat as I have been. It helps that I have an Adam and an Aidan and a Crookshanks and a Helena. It helps that I have friends who have been there forever and during those really bad times, and will keep being there. It helps that I’m making friends and discovering new stuff and getting inspired every day. It helps that I’m not worrying about surviving. It helps that I am comfortable and everlastingly grateful for all of it.

Sunday afternoon, Adam and I headed to my car to go out to do some errands and hit some vintage shops in Pilson. Upon getting to the car, I noticed that the back window was broken out AGAIN. This is the 3rd time since I’ve lived here that someone broke into my car. (If we count the time in Columbus, this is break-in number four.) First thought was “WTF? Didn’t they know it was unlocked?” Second thought was “Ha, there was nothing in there for them to get. BAHAHA. Oh crap, did they do something to the McDonald’s drink I left in there?” Third thought was “I hope this isn’t the start of a downward spiral.”

It’s that third thought that set off warning bells. If I fall into that way of thinking, it WILL become a downward spiral, and we do not want that at all. I LIKE feeling happy. It’s weird but it’s nice. I don’t want to be showered with bad things/emergencies/problems. I REFUSE to be showered with them. I’ve had enough of it, and it was only by the grace of God (and some good, true friends) that I made it through. I will keep an attitude of gratitude, and I will keep sending that out in the Universe, because I’ve learned that when I truly appreciate what I have, then even more goodness will come my way.

I’ve been feeling discouraged a lot lately, so right now, I’m going to dwell on good things.

1. On Saturday, Jen and I went to LUSH so she could get presents for her mom for Mother’s Day. That day also happened to be an EVENT, and if one RSVPs to the event, one gets extra goodies. One also gets extra goodies for spending $50 or more on products. Jen did both, and SHE GAVE ALL THE FREEBIES TO ME! This means I have a whole stash of bath bombs, bath melts, soaps, all sorts of good stuff. Plus, the girl who works there is totally awesome and gave us extra freebies so Jen could have some too, but Jen gave most of them to me.

Bath bombs are not terribly expensive, but they are extravagent for me. So to make them last, I take a hammer and a screwdriver and break them in half, so I can get more than one use out of one. Tonight, I used the Golden Slumbers one. Those are chock full of lavender, chamomile, and neroli blossoms. I was literally falling asleep in the bathtub. I had to get out sooner than I would have liked. I love LUSH products because I can use the 1/2 bath bomb, get out of the tub and have no need for lotions or anything. And the bombs are cool because they always put neat stuff in the water. My favorite so far is the Champagne Supernova, with all the glitter!

If people ask me for a Christmas list, I am telling them:
- gift cards to LUSH
- gift cards to Borders or Amazon
- Wii games!

I’m totally relaxed now and would be in bed, except that I’m hungry. Going to try to satisfy myself with a small bowl of cereal, but I’m really craving something savory, like beef Ramon noodles (insanely cheap at ALDI) or spaghetti.

Also on Saturday, Jen and I walked around Water Tower Place and a bit on Michigan Ave. I took this picture of her when we were waiting on the bus back home:

I took this picture of myself before Jen got to my place:

2. Sunday, Adam and I went over to Jeff and fynixsoul‘s place for makeovers and photographs. We missed a few turns and I got really cranky and vowed I was never driving there again. (Fortunately, they live very close to the Red Line, so I can take the train to visit them from now on.) But on to the pictures. One would think, with as much ANTM that I watch, that I’d KNOW how to work it (ha), but I totally can’t. I was made up all goth and stuff, so I’m excited to see how those pictures turned out. I can honestly say I’ve never worn that much makeup ever, and I’ve never looked that way before. If I’m not too frightened of the photos, I’ll post some once I get copies.

3. Last night, Adam and I went to Mike and Jill’s place for dinner and a movie. Long train ride up north. (I refused to take the car this time.) Mike and Jill live in an awesome “vibrant” neighborhood. Their place is lovely, and they fed us this really great pizza. THAT is the savory taste I’m now craving, I’m afraid. :O We watched Bridget Jones’s Diary. It was my first time ever seeing it. It was cute. I loved listening to everyone talk.

On the way home on the train, an announcement came on that the train was only going on the L tracks and that the subway was down for renovation. On top of that, the train turned into a slow train. We got home in a fairly decent amount of time, though, but it was tiring because the train wasn’t just going. It kept speeding slightly then slowing down, then going then braking. That is wearing on the body. Still, we got home earlier than normal because we were able to transfer at an earlier stop in the Loop.

The whole way home, I was TOTALLY craving an ice cream bar. I bought some at ALDI–Nestle Crunch Ice Cream Bar knock-offs. They’re SOO tasty. So, while waiting for the 2nd train, this girl comes waltzing down there with an ice cream bar! All the stores I’d seen were closed, so I was like “Oh great, that’s all I need to see! How did she even get that??” Adam seemed amused by that even though he was craving a big glass of orange juice. I was happy to get home and gobble down an ice cream bar.

4. ROSA (meimeigui) WILL BE HERE FRIDAY!!! It’s gonna be a bootie-shakin’ weekend! YAY!!!!

5. In less than a month, Aidan will be here for the summer. Getting back into mommy mode will be strange, and it’ll definitely be strange here, out of context. However, we have lots to keep him busy when he gets sick of us. And I think he’ll LOVE the Wii. I want to get him the Spongebob game for Wii. Although his latest kick has been Dumbo of all things! So, he can watch DVDs, play computer games, play Wii, go on walks, see downtown (he really wants to see Cloud Gate aka the big bean), etc. And he’s free on the trains and buses.

6. ALDI is the best thing ever. The sheer amount of food Adam and I brought home the other day would have been way more in a traditional grocery store. It is so nice to have that low-cost option here. I love ALDI. Also, I am less likely to blow money on convenience foods at ALDI. I buy things that we need to actually prepare. And I decided to eat more salads. Tonight for dinner, I had chicken and spinach salad. Yummy.

Of course, now I’m hungry as all bananas, but that has less to do with what I had for dinner and more with the fact that I didn’t eat much today at all. When I am feeling down, I feel guilty about eating. It’s stupid, but there you go.

OK, I am falling asleep, and I actually have a lot of freelance work to do tomorrow. I’m sad that my Adobe 8 professional trial has just about run out. I really liked using that program. Now I have to resort to putting all my suggested changes in a separate email. I totally don’t have $500 to shell out for that program!

But, this is supposed to be a positive post. So POSITIVITY ABOUNDS. Now, if I can only pound that into my very being and core, I’d be happy.

Night.

I hereby humbly request another round of good vibes from the awesome people who read my Live Journal.
Thanks so much in advance!

Why today was a good day:

1. Dreams that are good, even if they’re unhealthy.
2. Sleeping in ’til about noon. Mmmm.
3. A nice, long bath.
4. Chatting with Star (selfstyled)
5. Beautiful sunny weather!
6. CD full of mixes of my favorite new song Believe In Me by Pleasure Center arriving in the mail.
7. Spring at Goodale Park.
8. Visiting the library.
9. Dinner outside.
10. Finishing another book (Scary Beautiful by Niki Burnham)
11. Running into friends at Target.
12. Postcard from The Video Professor saying they were going to credit my account $80!!!
13. Lovely incense wafting through the loft right now.
14. Zen-ness. Yes!

Notice #7? Of course I got pictures!

( Onward! )

I was going to wait until the end of the year or closer to Christmas to write this out, but I feel like doing it now.

(Edited 12:02pm Sunday 12/12/2004 to add more people!)

Thank You, Lord for my little boy Aidan. His bright smile, his little laugh. The opportunity to raise him and watch him learn and grow. Thank you for allowing me to take care of Your child, for entrusting me with this precious little boy whom I love so dearly.

Thank You, Lord for the sunny days. For Little Lucy who is either in the room with me or snuggled up beside me in bed. For Fi, who is so cute with his bright green eyes, and Gracie, who purrs if you just look at her tenderly.

Thank You, Lord for Kelly P, who catches me on IM late at night and who I share some of the best conversations with. And hugs. Thank you for Rob, whose song writing is beyond anyone I know, and who really has no idea how great he is. Thank you for the friendships developing with Emily (yoimemily), Bizzy (otaku_witch), and Becky (magecky413). Thank you for allowing these girls into my life, for giving them the peace to trust me with the deepest parts of their hearts. Thank you for Andy and all his computer geekdom and unconditional love. Thank you for Tyler and his great (smile) taste in music and for being a good conversation partner when we both relax and stop thinking so much of what to talk about. Thank you for Mr. Matt for understanding what it’s like to be sensitive.

Thank You, Lord for Tami and Kim and Tina. They all contribute so much to my life that’s special. Thank you to Charla and Kelly S (itskels). Who else can I IM with and get “drunk” at the same time? I mean, as long as we’re chatting, it’s not technically drinking alone, is it? Thank you for Garth who is so gentle and kind and who can always sense when things aren’t quite right with me. Thank you for Joshua A. His happiness and smiles are contagious!

Thank You Lord, for Chad and Christy, two people who have dropped everything more than once to come to my aid and not asked for a thing in return. Thank you for Craig, who is amazing beyond words. Thank you for Jennifer, another one who has no idea how wonderful she really is. Thank you for Jen*Jen, who knows everything about me… and likes me anyway.

Thank you for Ivy (swankivy). We’ve been friends for more than seven years; mostly through the internet, and yet I feel so close to her. She’s amazing. Thank you for Amy (hunan), Helen (pixiedash), Star (selfstyled), Ci (starrlyte), and all of my other online friends who know me and have been there for me.

Thank you for Katie (live4himalways) for being my bright, shining star, and who I need to hang out with soon.

Thank You for Chris. You know that we’re going through some stuff now. But he does try, and I often forget to thank him or appreciate him for the things he does for me and for Aidan.

Thank You for my church. Even though I am often at odds with it, and with You, for that matter, something still draws me there. You draw me there.

Lord, most of all, I thank You that You’re not me. Even as I’ve RAGED at you, and still do, you continue to bless me and love me and hold me close to You. Even as I push you away, even as I fight You, You’re still there. I ask myself how could you love someone like me, but you tell me to be still and stop worrying. Just accept Your Grace, accept Your wisdom, and then I will know peace. You are wonderful, You can do this.

Lord, thank you for the many blessings you rain down upon me and my family and my friends. Thank You for being there, for being wonderful. I know I don’t always show it or act like it, but You are always here. And I thank You for that.

I want to see Him, I want to touch Him. I want to feel His presense all around me, enveloping me, suffocating me almost. I am so thirsty for Him, I am longing so much for Him. And yet, I forget that when I get so caught up in life. In now. In things. In actuality, I just want Him.

I just want God.

Ten Random Things That Make Me Happy.

1. Late night conversations with Kelly P.
2. Long emails about music and life.
3. Tator Tots.
4. Clearing my TO DO list in fewer than 3 hours.
5. Prayers from a friend (he’s awesome), just because.
6. Wireless internet.
7. Garnier Fruitese hair serum.
8. When copy machines don’t jam.
9. Lunch with Susan (Snoozin’).
10. Writing.

Reasons why today is GOOD:

1. I got to hang out with Emily (yoimemily) this afternoon. She rocks. I love her.
2. I did a bad thing, but the bad thing is REALLY awesome for me. WOO! Emily <3 knows all about it. *wink*
3. I got to talk to Tyler online. He’s good people.
4. I didn’t have to work.
5. IT’S FRIDAY!

Off to a wedding rehearsal, and then off to do whatever afterwards. Wanna hang out later? Call my cell. Word!